My name is Kristin Woodruff and about a year ago I was sure that my marriage was in serious trouble. I was very worried that if we didn’t get help, several marriage complications were going to mean the end of my six-year marriage.
We did get help, though, through a local marriage counselor, and I’m really glad that I have the opportunity to share how their guidance helped to save my marriage.
Discover 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage
We Were Surprised That We Had Issues
My husband Rich and I got married right after college, against the advice of some family and friends who felt we were too young. We were very much in love and we were a little naïve, since we were positive that being in love and being great friends meant that we wouldn’t have a lot of issues. The first few years were great, but after the birth of our son, Micah, we started having problems agreeing on priorities, goals and responsibilities.
After a while, this really built up some resentment in both of us and we started to argue a lot and we also started having sex a lot less frequently. By last year, we were talking about separation. That was when I knew that we needed some professional guidance if we were going to find some real solutions to these marriage complications that were driving us apart. I very much wanted to save my marriage and I was so relieved when Ron agreed to get help.
We Were Relieved That Our Problems Were Very Common Problems
The first thing that really helped us was just finding out that the issues we were having were all very common problems for young couples who had just had a child. That alone really helped us to feel that what we were going through was normal and that it didn’t mean we were doomed to get a divorce.
Most of the issues we had started with communication when it came to responsibilities and expectations. With the counselor’s help, I realized that I had a history of just expecting Rich to help me in certain areas without actually being asked. This led to me feeling let down and also feeling like Rich didn’t care. The counselor helped me see that Rich needed some guidance from me to know what I needed. Otherwise, he busied himself with things that he thought were important.
For instance, I really needed Rich to take Micah off my hands for an hour or so in the evenings, so that I could take a shower, unwind a little bit or have some grown-up conversation with a friend. Rich would come home and see that the laundry needed folding or the dog needed to go for a walk, and he felt he was helping me by going right to those things. Of course, he was helping, but it wasn’t the help I needed most. Once I understood that he was doing the best he could without better communication from me, I appreciated much more the things that he had been doing. The counselor then helped us to improve the way we communicated with each other.
Everything Started to Fall into Place
This wasn’t the only advice that helped save my marriage. The complications we faced because of poor communication had led to a real distance romantically, and the counselor gave us some realistic solutions for getting our sex life back on track. Once we realized that both of us were still committed to keeping our marriage together, getting our romantic life back in gear became pretty easy. It wasn’t instant, but it did happen.
I can’t recommend counseling enough to anyone who is going through their own marriage complications. I would not have been able to save my marriage on my own, because I was too hurt and scared to see our marriage complications for what they really were. Getting counseling made it possible for us to be where we are now; strong, happy and expecting our second child.
